"The Honey Jar", A Couple Communication Exercise As Inspiration For Relationship Repair
By:
Peggy Ferguson
Copyright (c) 2009 Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
When your relationship needs some emotional energy and romance there are some simple steps to take to begin to revitalize it.
Are the two of you drifting apart? Is your marriage lifeless? Is it on automatic pilot. If you have stopped having fun together and think that you just don't have anything to talk about, you can do something that rekindles that spark.
A good communication exercise can be the beginning for the changes that you want in your marriage. Feeling taken for granted, or bored with your relationship can set the stage for a multitude of marital difficulties.
We have all heard about the ounce of prevention that is much better than the pound of "cure". Revitalizing your marriage through revamping your communication behavior can restore positive feelings, re-engage interest in each other, and renew a sense of partnership?all of which can go a long way in preventing marital discord, infidelity, and dissolution.
Just about anyone can benefit from improving his/her ability to listen? One of the factors that fuel circular arguing and dirty fighting is the drive to feel heard and understood. The more compelled that one feels to make himself or herself understood, the less s/he is able to listen to the other person. The harder one tries to engage the other, the worse the communication actually gets. This is a self-perpetuating pattern, assuring that the longer it persists, the more likely that neither will feel "heard" or "understood".
A structured or semi-structured communication exercise, like "The Honey Jar", can reduce some of the anxiety or awkwardness about changing up an interaction pattern. It can feel less threatening or stressful to use a communication exercise. With neutral topics, you don't feel pressured into bringing up "touchy" subjects. You can practice "risking" in a non-threatening way. Setting aside a regular time for communication and not allowing anything to take priority above it, makes it a "sacred time". Use of a "sacred time" creates a habit. A habit of sustained effort to communicate leads to improvement. Start communicating again today by using The Honey Jar.
The Honey Jar is a couple communication exercise that assists couples in starting neutral conversations. It consists of sentence stems, printed individually on cards, that are randomly selected for conversation. Topics include a range of subjects. Partners can talk about themselves and the relationship in ways that feel less risky or less threatening.
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The relationship resources available on the website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., are available at http://www.peggyferguson.com . You can also sign up for Dr. Ferguson's Newsletter there. "The Honey Jar" is available for purchase and download at http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. is a therapist in private practie in Stillwater, OK, and a writer, trainer, and consultant.
